Better than Dora

Tom Disch reports that Paddington Bear is ready to take on a thrilling new adventure.

I have been talking with Paddington, who has just seen an exciting news story on CNN about the importance of establishing a human presence on Mars before the Earth turns into Venus, as Steven Hawkings predicts. This naturally alarmed Paddington, but also in an odd way reassured him. Scientists say that it might be possible to establish human habitations on Mars is twenty years, or half that time! If humans can do that, then surely teddy bears have an even better chance. They don't need oxygen, or water. They eat only imaginery food, chiefly cookies, ice cream, and other desserts, which are abundant on Mars. He is willing volunteer to undertake the perilous journey ....

He's seeking funding. I might kick in.