Bush: 'Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over'Look at that date! Tom Lehrer once said that he retired from political satire because when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize he realized that he would never be able to keep up with reality. But The Onion has what it takes to satirize by anticipating reality.WASHINGTON, DC—Mere days from assuming the presidency ....
Bush swore to do ''everything in [his] power'' to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
This week The Onion takes news satire to a mind-boggling level of deadpan irony.
Bush 2004 campaign pledges to restore honor and dignity to the White HouseGo read the whole thing. It may be the most coldly funny thing I've ever seen.BOSTON—Addressing guests at a $2,000-a-plate fundraiser, George W. Bush pledged Monday that, if re-elected in November, he and running mate Dick Cheney will ''restore honor and dignity to the White House.''
''After years of false statements and empty promises, it's time for big changes in Washington,'' Bush said. ''We need a president who will finally stand up and fight against the lies and corruption. It's time to renew the faith the people once had in the White House. If elected, I pledge to usher in a new era of integrity inside the Oval Office.''
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