10 February 2006

Spark plugs

From the Best of Craigslist --- which is an all-around great way to waste some time --- Hey, Crackhead.
On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.
What I don't understand is,


I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the fucking saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you?

I know the feeling. I know the feeling exactly.

1 comment:

Kate said...

Reminds me of the time when your Dad and I drove from Madison to Manhattan to visit your Aunt R. He parked the old Dodge Dart on CPW across from where she lived. (He must have moved it 10 times while we were there to avoid tickets.) Anyway, while it was parked on 93rd around the corner from CPW someone broke off the aerial. He was incredulous; Aunt R was surprised he still had his tires. In the late '60s aerials became great weapons apparently.

Am sorry to hear that either Katie H or Betty B suffered the fate of sparkplugitis!

(Glad to see you blogging; must mean travel over for the week.)