Fanfic

Indexing a few favorites. Most quotes are just a taste to get readers interested. Titles are links.

Trek

The Thing About The Kobayashi Maru

Do they, Bones? We’ve been at this for three years. Tell me, Bones, how many times have we faced a real no-win situation? A certain death in face of helping people? I write the logs, Bones. The answer is never. Not once. Sure, we lost feathers, and couldn’t always save everybody. But each time we made it, Bones, and each time, we saved people. The only reason the Maru is a no-win situation is because someone decided it should be. To make a point.

See also: Superman

Wars

Instruments of Destruction

Jerjerrod constructed a new timetable. Using his most reasonably optimistic estimates, the second Death Star would be completed in sixteen years, taking four times longer than the original timeline.

Jerjerrod could have sent a message to the Emperor informing him of this fact, but enough time had passed since Jerjerrod had been put in charge of the project that blame would almost certainly fall on him, especially given the rosy reports that the Emperor had been receiving. Announcing that the schedule was too optimistic would be seen as a matter of personal failure. Under the Emperor’s regime, failure on this scale didn’t mean demotion or court martial, it meant death. So what was Admiral Tian Jerjerrod to do?

A New Sith, or Revenge Of The Hope

Twenty years earlier, Chewbacca was second in command of the defence of his planet. He was there in the tactical conferences and there on the front lines and was a personal friend of Yoda's. So when he needed reliable people to join the embryonic Alliance, who else would Yoda turn to but his old friend from Kashykk? Given his background, it makes no sense that Chewbacca would spend the crucial years of the rebellion as the second-in-command to (sorry Han) a low-level smuggler. Unless it was his cover. In fact, Chewie is a top-line spy and flies what is in many ways the Rebellion's best ship.

Middle Earth

The Truth About Tom Bombadil

Tom Bombadil and the Witch-king of Angmar are the same person.

Oldest and Fatherless: The Terrible Secret of Tom Bombadil

Now, in his conversation with Frodo, Bombadil implies (but avoids directly stating) that he had heard of their coming from Farmer Maggot and from Gildor’s elves (both of whom Frodo had recently described). But that also makes no sense. Maggot lives west of the Brandywine, remained there when Frodo left, and never even knew that Frodo would be leaving the Shire. And if Elrond knows nothing of Bombadil, how can he be a friend of Gildor’s?

What do we know about Tom Bombadil? He lies.

A question: what is the most dangerous place in Middle Earth? First place goes to the Mines of Moria, home of the Balrog, but what is the second most dangerous place? Tom Bombadil’s country.

Fear No Evil: On Sorting Hats and Forest Gods

Stay on the path. Follow him. Trust him. Obey him, because he is friendly, and because he is Iarwain Ben-adar, Eldest and Fatherless, who saw the first of everything. Try not to notice the way the One Ring doesn’t stir any evil in him. It corrupts everyone who wears it, but not this man. Try not to wonder about what kind of purity is incorruptible; try not to wonder what he is made of, that a thing of perfect evil does not change him at all.

Marvel

Captain America meets Blade

Transcribed all of this one:

Blade:
help me murder every single vampire to satisfy my own deep-seated issues with my parentage and (film version) the genocidal spite of my mentor figure

Captain America:
wait a second. (pause) so you want to kill this entire group of queer-coded reputed blood-drinkers

Blade:
yeah they’re a monstrous conspiracy of blood-drinking abominations who control and corrupt society

Captain America:
hey bucky does this song and dance sound familiar?

Bucky:
lil’ bit

Blade:
pardon?

Cap:
… yeah, no offense Blade, I’m sure a lot of ’em are awful, but … look, if they hunt and kill folks yeah we have laws for dealing with that, but this looks bad, dude.

Blade:
what do you mean?

Cap:
this looks just … a smidge? a smidge. fashy, man.

Blade:
but they’re vampires! they are impure minions of Evil!

Cap:
not helping your case! look I’m just saying genocidal campaigns of extermination for distinct demographics are not Hero Things, man

Blade:
but they’re vampires

Cap:
dude, depending on whether we’re in film or comics canon, so are you, and you explicitly used to eat homeless people. ease back, yo.

Blade:
you’ve killed vampires!

Cap:
yeah, Nazi vampires, I am all about some Nazi-killing, and supervillain vampires, but Nazis don’t bite people and turn ’em into more Nazis, they’re a political identity.

Blade:
so you’re saying my anti-vampire crusade sounds awkwardly like classic anti-Semitic tropes of blood libel, all-powerful Jewish-coded conspiracy and “sexual corruption” mixed with queerphobia? Right down to purifying the corrupted with murder?

Cap:
it rhymes

Blade:
aw, fuck. can you at least help me kill Dracula? he's getting his doom fortress overlord of darkness thing on again

Cap:
oh sure, give me the stake and let’s go.

Blade:
wait what?

Cap:
there’s no creed against killing supervillains for being monstrous assholes. shoulda started there

Steve Rogers, PR disaster

He was bound to figure it out someday. Steve was a determined guy, and even if he somehow never discovered Wikipedia, if nothing else, he had a library card. Still, something in the way his eyes narrowed made her stammer,

“Uh, nothing, never mind, it’s fine. The word ‘socialist’, uh, means something different now, so it’s no longer really accurate to describe yourself like that. Just, if reporters ask or something.”

Captain America, red diaper baby

All those things add up to a very interesting, potentially shocking, probably fascinating backstory that’s never been touched on. Namely, that Steve Rogers probably grew up in a Communist household. He might not have been a card-carrying Communist himself, but his parents almost certainly were.

I actually blogged that one before, along with some other good reflections on Cap.

Tony Stark & Bruce Banner, science bros

You can see the look on Natasha and Steve’s faces when Tony asks if Bruce turned up yet. They’ve counted Bruce out. Guy’s a mess, right? He’s too volatile. Doesn’t play well with others. He could never work as part of a team. No-one thinks he’ll come through when it matters. Except Tony.

Others

The Raven

Transcribed the whole of this little ditty.

Poe:
Once upon a midnight

Beastie Boys:
DREARY

Poe:
While I pondered,

Beastie Boys:
WEAK

Poe:
and

Beastie Boys:
WEARY

[⋯]

Mike D:
Tell me what thy lordly name is

MCA:
On night’s Plutonian shore

Both:
QUOTH THE RAVEN

Bird squawk sample

Ad-Rock:
ᴺ ᵉ ᵛ ᵉ ʳ ᵐ ᵒ ʳ ᵉ

TV commercials for insurance

“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant, and another agent appears in the pentagram. He screams. The Dark Lord feasts tonight.

Pride and Extreme Prejudice

At this moment the path through the shrubbery took a sharp dogleg to accomodate a stately lime tree. To Patience’s discomfiture Mr. Connor was lounging on the bench around the bole, just striking a match on the sole of his boot. His glance at Mr. Terminus was distinctly cold. He drew on his pipe until the tobacco was well alight before saying, “My dear Patience, clockwork and machinery is properly the sphere of the lower orders. The delicately nurtured female can have no commerce with the denizen of a factory. May I escort you back to the terrace?”