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From time to time I dream of making my living as a bartender. Many folks say I have the right temperament for it, for some reason.

One deterrent is that it would mean that I would probably give up drinking liquor. That's not a big problem for me, as I'm a person who might go a month or more without a drink. But I do thoroughly enjoy a good cocktail, and once or twice a year I'll enjoy a very blurry evening. Moderation in all things, including moderation. But I don't think that would work for me so well if I were the bloke behind the bar.

The Rant Waiter—who knows his way around a cocktail—has a sharp little story explaining why.