20 January 2006


Via Ashub, I find a guide to forming a heavy metal band full of delightfully unhelpful explanations of the difference between black metal and death metal.
The first thing you need to do if you want to start a band is figure out which genre of metal you are going to dip your toe into: death or black? What's the difference, you ask? Ah, well, that is like asking the difference between a cadaver pregnant with a demon's child and a forest haunted with pedophilic Viking spirits. Like, duh.
There's also some good stuff about how to dress, picking a band name, writing lyrics, and The Golden Girls.

If you decide to go the death metal route, ever-helpful Strong Bad has advice for you. If you go with black metal, I'm afraid you're on your own.


Anonymous said...

Oh c'mon, it's easy....
Low, growly rednecks = Death
High, screechy nerds = Black

Kate said...

And I had great fears that the two of you would form one in high school. Although J had no activated musical talent (perfect pitch had ruined the piano for him early on) and you (A) were overflowing with talent, it never happened. "Death" doesn't apply to you, as for "Black" -- nerds maybe but cannot envision high screeches emerging from either of you.



Jonathan Korman said...

These days, when pretty girls ask me if I'm in a band, I tell 'em I'm the lead singer for the Rolling Stones.