31 May 2005

Corporate sponsorship

Brian Flemming is troubled that a new Schwarzenegger campaign commercial has some pretty blatant product placement. That's right, major campaign contributor PepsiCo has their products right in the frame in the ad.

But actually, let's not forget that RU Sirius thought of it first.

Let's call this new party the ‘The Revolution®.’ (Note to Richard and the Disinfo crew: I was gonna call it the ‘Alternative Party’ but instead I'm changing the name to The Revolution®, because I really like the chicken burritos [without the onions] at Taco Bell®. And I figure that if they're advertising revolution right now, it's gotta be mass market. I know ... lame. But hang with me for a moment. I wanna get some votes in this election, not just please a handful of too-hip-to-breathe compatriots with pictures of Lynette ‘Squeaky’ Fromme and Antonin Artaud on their computer monitors. I want millions of votes. And I figure; if we can have an ‘alternative music’ (snicker), if we can have an ‘alternative culture’ that's embraced by Volkswagen® and Jordache® jeans, why can't we have an ‘alternative’ political party and get at least half as many votes as Eddie Vedder sells CDs? Are you following me? Am I making sense here? I think this makes sense. We can hype The Revolution® in the context of 90s content-free bohemianism. “Get a cappuccino at Starbucks® and then Vote The Revolution®!”; Voting radical as a fashion accessory. How can it miss?)

Perry Farrell can organize the campaign tour. Reebok® and Nike® will battle Coke® and Pepsi® for the opportunity to endorse. In fact, this may be an ideal way to avoid the trap of being beholden to dozens of wealthy and powerful financial contributors. We will instead be beholden to just one sponsor. Let's say it's Reebok®. I agree that, for instance, if I'm elected President I will wear Reeboks® everywhere. I wear the logo on my t-shirt during State dinners, press conferences, etc. We paint the Reebok® logo on the front of the White House. During the inauguration ceremonies, Monica Lewinsky will appear wearing naught but a lovely pair of Reeboks®. Replace the stars on the flag with the Reebok® logo. We give Reebok® all of the advantages that other politicians give all their contributors. But then we're free to screw all the other mega-corporations if and when we see fit.

Looking further down the road, I can imagine sponsorship replacing taxation ...


Reya Mellicker said...

It's funny writing, but so cynical. I felt dessicated just reading it. Jonathan, are you a cynic?

Jonathan Korman said...

At the moment, becoming cynical about American politics would be a step toward optimism for me.

I suppose it's no help for me to observe that Chairman Sirius is a satirist.